Tuesday, April 20, 2004

The Cool Fucker's laws of logic:

1) Any statement prepended with "Clearly" is by default a tautology.
examples: "Clearly Paul is a satanic individual."
"Indeed clearly, without distortion, Wad's food sucks."
2) Any statement with the suffix "without a fucking doubt" is a tautology.
example: "Chris is evil, without a fucking doubt."

If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.

The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
--- Jones' Law

Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right.

A halo has to fall only a few inches to become a noose. - Farmers Almanac

Tablespoons

Teas Willis, and the sticky tours
Did gym and Gibbs in the wake.
All mimes were the borrowers,
And the moderate Belgrade.
"Beware the tablespoon my son,
The teeth that bite, the Claus that catch.
Beware the Subjects bird, and shred
The serious Bandwidth!"
He took his Verbal sword in hand:
Long time the monitors fog he sought,
So rested he by the Tumbled tree,
And stood a while in thought.
And as in selfish thought he stood,
The tablespoon, with eyes of Flame,
Came stifling through the trigger wood,
And troubled as it came!
One, two! One, two! And through and though,
The Verbal blade went thicker shade.
He left it dead, and with its head,
He went gambling back.
"And host Thai slash the tablespoon?
Come to my arms my bearish boy.
Oh various day! Cartoon! Cathay!"
He charted in his joy.
Teas Willis, and the sticky tours
Did gym and Gibbs in the wake.
All mimes were the borrowers,
And the moderate Belgrade.

Lewis Carrol's JABBERWOCKY as "recognized" by the Apple Newton, (c) 1993
Robert McNally. Permission is granted to reproduce this if the copyright
remains intact.

- It doesn't count as tabloid reporting if you're only reporting that the tabloids reported it.
- You're still sober as lounge as you can still say your worms promperly.
- It isn't a preexisting condition unless you had it before you existed.
- You're not fat if clothes are actually made in your size.
- You are not guilty of DUI if you thought someone else was driving.
- It isn't vote fraud unless you can prove those dead guys would have voted the other way.
- You are not abusing drugs if you store them in a cool, dry place and never yell at them.
- It is not premaritial sex if you have no intention of getting married.
- It is not speeding if there are still cars in front of you.
- It isn't adultry if she reminds you of your wife.
- It isn't reckless driving if you get into a wreck.
- You are not overweight if you can touch anybody's toes.
- It isn't procrastination if you decide to postpone it right now.

"Can't you find any normal people to play with????" Momma __ (honorary member)